Suddenly, yesterday, I started to feel somewhat normal. It was so long since I had felt normal that it took me by surprise. I was only slightly tired, more a quiet Sunday afternoon calmness. No nausea or pain, except for this damn port which will come out tomorrow. So in my search for understanding about what is happening to my body I have reassessed the cause of my symptoms and have been very encouraged by my conclusions.
It feels as though the chemo tablets, Xeloder, were not the cause of my extreme tiredness, it feels as though it was the IV elaxitin. If you are not on chemo that will mean nothing, but it means that I will suffer the effects of the IV for some days after the treatment once every 3 weeks rather than every day for 14 days of the tablets. If I am right this is hugely encouraging and I am back to feeling maybe I can get through this. I am aware that today I am pulling back from engaging with this explanation, being cautious, it feels like I am making a chess move where the opponant could easily take my piece but might not for strategics reasons, I am a very small pawn in a very large game.
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