I Survived My First Sunny Day

It was a warm day with a touch of spring in the air and I had chosen to wear a blood red velvet top. It was part of a personal ritual, I think, my coming out of a period of being cloistered. There were masses of family and friends at a party all expressing their concern regarding my illness and wishing me well for a speedy recovery. I think that possibly sounds like many people's idea of a great day out after a crisis such as I have experienced. I was dreading it. Yesterday one of my daughters had a baby shower/ house warming party, with about 50 guests. Luckily I was not the centre of attention and to my surprise not a single person made a stupid upsetting comment.
It was an important step, dismantling the barriers which I had imposed on my friends and family, keeping most of them at a distance, so that I was not forced to deal with their emotions while I was trying to deal with my own. As I looked around at the group of guests, I thought about the different emotional backgrounds they carry with them and what that means as they approach someone, like me, who has an illness that threatens life. Several of the people had lost their own mothers at a fairly early age, I am aware that others have fears for their own health. Still others have survived illness or accident. Most of my family approached me with care and support , most asking the same questions about how I felt and when the next phase of treatment would start, all amazed at how well I looked so soon after the operation. My 80 year old dad, however, sat beside me and asked in conspiratorial tones how I felt when I woke in recovery. Something no one else had asked. I was surprised but amused and said "oh awful" then with a slight undercurrent of humour we swapped operation stories.
The day was exhausting, sitting for too long. I left early and was escorted home to rest. I lay in bed and thought about a book I had read many years ago “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Psychiatrist and holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl . The link below gives a fairly good description of the work. The book impressed me at the time and I recall bits of it mostly with Frankl's determination from the outset that he would survive the concentration camp where he was imprisoned and later his observations and analyses on why certain people survived and others did not. He was able to recognise the survivors quite early on, they had certain characteristics in common. I will get the book again, and reread it.
http://www.paulstips.com/brainbox/pt/home.nsf/link/18052006-Find-something-to-live-for